Who am I, who was I, who will I be (short essay)

Before, I was free -- free to be and do whatever the mood sets me. I was so carefree. I had the freedom to choose and decide by myself. But circumstances happened -- out of my control -- changing me, changing everything about me. I was trapped in a horrible room. A room full of darkness -- of sorrow and of loneliness. I started to pretend to be someone who I'm not -- grinning and smiling outside but bleeding and broken inside. Though, there are still things which make me forgot the pain and disappointment, and somehow give rise to a genuine smile. I always aimed to be happy. However, I can't feel the way I wanted to be. Nevertheless, I keep on hoping that I would become someone or if not, even just be almost alike with the person I want to be -- jolly, carefree, untied, optimistic, hopeful, never become lonely. Hence, I know, through perseverance and industry, I'll find the hapiness I'm searching for...

(CONTINUATION ON THE PROCESS)

Vengeance is in my Heart

I am good...

I could be a good friend...

or maybe the best friend you'll ever find

PERO...

'wag niyo akong susubukan...

'wag niyo akong aapakan...

'wag niyo akong aapihin...

at lalong 'wag niyo akong mamaliitin...

I am good...

YET...

An EVIL one...

Vengeance is just at my hand...

And I could be the worst enemy you'll ever find...

VENDETTA... REVENGE...

You'll pay...

You'll pay it by your LIVES...

Vengeance is in my heart...

I don't have peace,

I'm not happy...

I wanted to die...

I want to end my sufferings...

However, the VENGEANCE live in my heart

And it keeps it beating...

YES... VENGEANCE is the reason why I live...

I wanted to REVENGE...

I wanted them to pay........

for hurting me........

for they belittle me........

for they insulted me........

for they downgrade my dignity...

A curse was left.....

And it will be realize...

And be fulfilled...

SOON....

Ako ngayo'y nag-iisa, nagdurusa...

Araw-araw puro na lang problema...

Buong buhay ko nangunguna...

Pinanganak ako sa mundo ang umpisa...

Pinagsisisihan ko tuloy ba't nabuhay pa...

Ba't ako'y binuhay pa 'di naman pala kaya......

Hinanakit at galit...

Namamayani sa aking dibdib..

Gusto ko ng kapayapaan...

Ngunit 'di ko makamtan...

Sumpa ay dapat maisakatuparan...

Upang matamo inaasam na kaligayahan;

At magkaroon ng kalayaan...

How I Wish

I was on a vacation when I first saw him
He was so cute and gentle
And is the reason why I'd fallin for him
I want to know him, but I was not given a chance...

I was so sad when the time came,
I have to left without knowing him;
Day and night passed,
I can't sleep without him on my dream.

One night, I opened my eyes
So sweet and romantic, we're dancing
He's about to tell me his name
When... Ringgg..Ringgg...
My alarmclock ring.

Ohh! It's a dream again
I wanted to know him
But the time passed
I accepted that he's gone...

But alas! The time came, I saw him;
I met him on an indifferent situation
Now, he had someone,
Someone to love, someone to lean on...

My feelings had grown once more
But what should I do,
Knowing that his someone is a friend of mine
Ohh! My heart wanted to burst!!

He learned about my feelings
So secretly, he courted me
I answered yes...
We became one...

But my friend learned about our relation
He have to choose
And of course, he chose my best pal
My heart was broken.

How fool, I am to hope for his love
How stupid I am to destroy the trust of my pal
I hated myself;
Two important persons in my life left me...

I have regreted of what I've done
I'm wishing that I could bring back time
How I wish that everything would be fine
But I know it won't,
Damage has already been done...

Though, I'm still hoping;
I'm still wishing...
"How I wish... How I wish..."
Is the only thing I could say...

Ba't Nabuhay Pa

Di malaman ang dahilan
Di mawari ang kasagutan
Ba't pa ba nabuhay yaring nilalang
Ayon sa iba'y wala namang pakinabang

Inutil daw ako, 'yon ang sabi nila
Kay sakit isiping 'yon ang kanilang paniniwala
Para sa akin ang lahat ay ginawa,
Bigyan lang nila nang halaga...

Ako ngayo'y nagdurusa
Pinagsisishan ko tuloy ba't nabuhay pa
Ba't ako'y binuhay pa, 'di naman pala kaya
Ba't ako ang dapat na maghirap sa kasalanan nang iba

Puro na lang problema...
Buong buhay ko ang nangunguna,
Ipinanganak ako sa mundo ang umpisa;
Pang-araw-araw ko ay puno nang pagdurusa
O bakit ba nabuhay pa..?

Ako ngayo'y walang magawa, kundi umasa
Darating isang araw magigising di na
Pagkat kung hindi, baka nagpakamatay na
Yaring kawawang nilalang na nag-iisa, nagdurusa...

Death

Before, I live life full of happiness
I can do everything without hesitation
I have my freedom
But circumstances drew near changing my life...

I was trapped in a room
A room full of darkness
A room of sorrow
I can't even see a single ray of light.

As time past by, I became so lonely
No one had saved me
No one was there to help me
No one was their to be my company...

One day came, a man opened the door
My savior, I exclaimed;
But I was wrong
A demon, that was the guy really is.

He let me suffer; he punished me
Until such time came,
I couldn't take it anymore
Between life and death, I have to choose...

At first, I thought, I couldn't do it
I thought, I couldn't have the strength,
I won't have the courage I needed
But, I made it, I really made it.

I gain the strength
I had the courage to choose
And do you know what I'd chose?
I chose................

DEATH!!!

Searching for Happiness

I have many questions in my mind

But there is no one to answer me;
No one tries to answer me.
How about you? Are you willing to help?
Ohhh... There are just many why's and what's...

Why do I feel like this, so lonely?
I have many acquaintances, yet, I'm so lonely;
I just wanted to be happy
But why is it I can't feel the way I wanted to be?

Why am I alone?
Why do everybody had left me
Or maybe in the other way around?
What forced me to be parted with them?

I'm just wondering if they cared for me
Because if they do so,
Why didn't they get me out from this darkness?
Didn't they realize that I also have feelings?
That I also get hurt and become sad?

What if I didn't leave?
What my life would be?
Will I became happy?
Will I not feel so lonely?

Ahhh... Everything is nonsense
Although I still have a lot of questions
I won't pursue this anymore
Even you couldn't help me right?

All I wanted in this moment is to know who could answer me
Who? Who among you could answer my questions?
No one. No one answers me.
No one is with me. Yeah, I'm all alone in my darkness...

But you know what?
I believe that all of these questions will vanish
And light will shower upon me, if I only find,
If I only find the happiness I'm searching for...

It's All My Fault

Missing You So Much

Before, you're always with me,

Keeping me warm and safe

I'm just so contented of who I am and what I have;

I'm just so happy that you're always on my side.

Just then, a disaster came,

You left me, you left me alone...

You won't be back I know,

Yet, I'm hoping... I'm really hoping.

I thought, I can't continue my life without you

But, I made it, I made it...

I live life... full of loneliness...

'Coz you know what, you're my life...

It's not really easy living without you,

I always feel sad and lonely,

I always think that the world is against me...

Oh... I don't know how to live without you

I want you back, I really wanted you back

I missed you so much

I'm missing you so much...